House Republican Hillary Hickland Seeks To Reignite Texas' War On Dildos

From Banned Books to Bedroom Products: The absurd agenda of Texas' newest culture warrior.

Dec 11, 2024

In 1979, the Texas Legislature banned the possession of six or more dildos in the State. The courts overturned this law after almost 30 years. In 2008, the Fifth Circuit Court of Appeals struck down the law, ruling it unconstitutional. The ruling emphasized that the government has no legitimate interest in regulating the private sexual choices of consenting adults.

There are a lot of things that could be said about Texas’ previous prohibition on dildos. Still, to understand where Texas was on this issue, I suggest checking out this clip from the 2002 documentary ‘Dildo Diaries,’ featuring Molly Ivins:

Texas’ previous ban on “obscene devices,” a.k.a. dildos, exemplified a time when our government sought to police both morality and privacy. This law is a humorous relic of a more prudish era in Texas Legislative history—one that some Conservatives seek to revive.

The newly-elected House Republican from Bell County ran for government to police morality in Texas once more.

Hillary Hickland (R-HD55) is a member of Moms For Liberty, which has been labeled an extremist hate group by the Southern Poverty Law Center. In fact, she ran for office because her local library once featured a “banned books week.”

From her ad:

I took the liberty of clipping and blowing up the books used in the ad that sent her on such a firestorm. They include titles like:

All American Boys by Jason Reynolds and Brendan Kiely.
Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck.
Stamped by Ibram X. Kendi.
Maus by Art Spiegelman.
The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood.

Representative-elect Hickland has positioned herself as an anti-book crusader. Here she is posing with Representative Jared Patterson and HB900, the book-burning bill from the 88th Legislative Session, which was deemed unconstitutional.

Hickland has already filed a handful of bills squarely focused on “protecting children from sex.” However, as the newly elected representation of a district where poverty is above the state average and income and education are below, Hickland doesn’t seem preoccupied with working for her constituents. Instead, she plans to legislate morality.

Hickland’s bill takes a slightly different approach than the original dildo ban by focusing on restricting where the devices can be sold.

HB1549, filed on Monday by Hickland, is an effort to restrict the sale of devices deemed “obscene” to adult-oriented establishments, reinforcing the separation of sexually explicit materials from general commerce.

This comes after months-long outrage by SREC Committeewomen Christine Bentley as she spammed pictures of “obscene devices” sold at pharmacies. She had been driving around the State, looking for dildos, and when she found them (under lock and key), she took pictures to spam with outrage on “TXlege” Twitter.

These items are sexual wellness products such as vibrators and silicone rings, which are often marketed for personal sexual health and pleasure. And Hickland’s bill will ensure that these products are only sold in adult-oriented establishments.

Let’s take a moment to appreciate the sheer absurdity of it all. In a state where Texans are grappling with real, pressing issues—like skyrocketing property taxes, unaffordable healthcare, and public schools struggling to keep the lights on—Representative Hillary Hickland and her comrades have decided the most urgent crisis of our time is vibrators at CVS.

This misplaced priority would be laughable if it weren’t so tragically out of touch. Families there try to make ends meet, and kids fall behind in classrooms that often lack essential resources. Yet, instead of addressing these systemic problems, Hickland has chosen to spend her political capital crusading against silicone rings and pocket wands. It’s almost impressive how detached from reality this agenda is.

Let’s be honest: sexual wellness products being sold at a pharmacy, locked up, and tucked away near condoms and other health-related items are not some existential threat to society. Pharmacies are already places where adults go to purchase private, sometimes awkward products—condoms, pregnancy tests, yeast infection treatments, you name it. Adding a vibrator to the mix doesn’t exactly bring down the moral fabric of the nation.

And let’s talk about the kids for a second.

One of the main arguments from the Hickland-Bentley camp seems to be that children might see these products while walking through a store. The horror! Except, here’s the thing: kids walking past a locked display of vibrators in a pharmacy aren’t going to be scarred for life. These products are typically ignored by younger kids who don’t understand their purpose and dismissed as irrelevant by teens, who are already more influenced by peers and online content.

Meanwhile, Texans are facing real crises. Our State ranks 42nd in healthcare access and affordability, with millions of Texans uninsured. The power grid—you know, the one that collapsed during Winter Storm Uri and left people freezing in their homes—remains vulnerable. And don’t even get me started on education funding, where Texas spends nearly $4,000 less per student than the national average. These are the kinds of issues a serious legislator would focus on.

But not Hillary Hickland. No, she’s too busy fighting the moral panic stoked by Christine Bentley, who, let’s not forget, has apparently been dedicating her time to scouring the State for locked displays of vibrators. Just imagine the gas mileage Bentley must have burned through in this righteous quest to… what, save Texas from dildos? If it weren’t so ridiculous, it might be sad.

Texans deserve better. They deserve leaders who prioritize improving life rather than waging performative battles over sexual wellness products. At the end of the day, the people of Bell County don’t need a crusade against CVS; they need affordable healthcare, better schools, and policies that address the real challenges they face daily.

Some of Hickland’s other laughable bills:

HB1313 prohibits school districts from lobbying. Texas schools can’t afford textbooks or working air conditioners, but Hickland worries that they might use pocket change to lobby for… more textbooks and working air conditioners. Indeed, she’s got her priorities straight.

HB1434 would ensure that nobody can claim an “educational” or “medical” justification for material deemed obscene or harmful to children. Because doctors, educators, and scientists have just been running rampant, shoving inappropriate materials in children’s faces under the guise of “education” and “medicine.”

HB1511 is Hillary Hickland’s proposal to reinstate juvenile curfews. She is here to save Texas… from teenagers staying out late. Yes, while Texans are facing soaring property taxes and some of the highest uninsured rates in the nation, Hickland’s top priority is ensuring kids are off the streets after sunset. Because clearly, the root of all our societal woes is 16-year-olds grabbing late-night tacos or skateboarding past curfew.

Meanwhile, last weekend, Abraham George, Chair of the Republican Party of Texas, thanked Democrats for staying home in the 2024 election:

Clearly, Hillary Hickland is more interested in moral posturing than in addressing the real challenges facing Texans.

Instead of prioritizing policies that could lift families out of poverty, improve our crumbling education system, or fix the ever-precarious power grid, they’re waging a culture war against dildos, books, and teenagers. It’s performative politics at its worst—designed not to solve problems but to distract from them.

While Hickland and her allies crusade against phantom threats, Texans wonder: Who’s actually going to work for us? Who will tackle the housing crisis, the rising cost of living, or the healthcare disaster? Texans don’t need a moral nanny patrolling the aisles of CVS or criminalizing librarians. They need leaders who understand the real struggles of everyday people and are committed to meaningful, pragmatic solutions.

So yes, let’s laugh at the absurdity of Hickland’s dildo ban and book crusade—it’s a level of self-parody that writes itself. But let’s also remember that her brand of politics comes at a steep cost. While she wastes time legislating morality, Texans are left to pick up the pieces of her neglect. Texans deserve leadership focused on the future, not policing the past. And if this is the best the Republican Party of Texas can offer, perhaps Abraham George is right: the voters who stayed home deserve our thanks.

January 14: The 89th Legislative Session begins.
March 14: The last day Legislators can file bills.
June 2: The 89th Legislative Session ends.